Wednesday, May 21, 2014


dearest, sweetest,  rorie gwendolyn.

i'd like you to know how hard we are working, your dad and i. it's really difficult to try and be an adult when your whole life you've been so well taken care of by the adults around you. and when things keep getting out of hand in the most insane of ways. like sicknesses and jobs that work us too hard. like arguing with family and moving half way across the country. like traveling all over the world and trying to sleep when we miss your presence so much. it's really hard, baby girl. but we do it all because we love you so much. more than we could ever, ever imagine or understand.


right now we are waiting on your brother's arrival. each night i go to sleep wondering if he will make his arrival. but each morning i wake up and he's still in my tummy. and that means it's another day we get to have with just you. and that is just as sweet and worth every minute of being pregnant for longer.

do you know how much you've taught me? do you know how much we've learned together? do you know how much fun we have every day? you might not... you're two months away from being two years old and it's definitely showing. you are extremely vocal and we can understand each other a lot. but we're starting to butt heads. you like to scream now. it's a frustrated scream most of the time, which i can understand. your body and mind are changing faster than you can keep up with. i get it. i just don't particularly like when you do it when you're looking at me with that little twinkle in your eye which tells me you're doing it on purpose. that's slightly annoying.

you're also starting to get really good at manipulation. your daddy and i like to think that parenting is "the art of distraction". we can usually snap you out of a fit with a change of topic like, "look at this flower" or "look at elle!" you are also very good at this, "rorie, what color is this?" "ooooh, yook at the trees!" you can change a topic faster than we can. touche my love, touche.

speaking of manipulation. i can't forget to mention your eyes. frequently, i'll tell you, "look at me" when i'm trying to talk to you about your previous behavior in a situation. usually, you look at me... we talk about it... and we remind ourselves that's not how we behave in this house. but sometimes... and usually with your daddy... we will say, "look at me" and you will make your blue eyes as big as they can be, tilt your chin down so your gazing at us in the creepiest way, and slowly move your face towards ours, without breaking the stare, until your forehead it touching ours...and then continue to stare with those huge blue eyes. knowing that you have the most upper of upper hands.

now, i can usually stop this before it happens, because i'm very used to your antics and mama don't play games... but you have your daddy wrapped around your tiny finger. you know that if you do that he's not going to be able to keep a straight face and whatever he was going to talk about is history. that art of distraction... you've learned it, too! oh he tries, he tries so very hard to keep it together. but his laughter burst through his mouth before he can stop . it's the most adorable thing for a mother to watch, but also the most annoying... because bad cop here has to finish the job. (in his defense, he's totally getting better at this. and you are losing your power- sorry girl).

we could have a few more weeks with just you, or a couple days, or i could click publish and it would be go time. and both of our lives will change forever. you will have a brother and i will have a son. and it will never be just you and me. i'm kind of sad about this, because i have loved being your mother. i have loved giving you all my attention.

but you are meant to be a big sister, just as i was. this is something that only you and i will share in our family. we are the big sisters. we take care of each other in a unique way. we are alike in a unique way. and that is something i am so grateful for. and i'm excited to watch you grow on this journey.

so here's to you. my first baby. my daughter. my almost big sister.


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