today (actually- friday) i was a mean mama. i lost my temper. i fondly remember writing posts about my sweet one year old. well, that girl has been replaced by a limit-testing, up-and-down, repeating-everything-you-say-back-to-you-with-a-stink-eye, two year old. it's a sad time for me because i just miss the easy relationship we had. the easy one i'm experiencing with jacob. i probably miss it because i got my way all the time and she never really put up a fight. she hadn't memorized my stern face and finger point yet. she hadn't been able to decide on water or milk and then change her mind over and over in one sitting. she hadn't been experiencing such extreme feelings yet. now, i mention anything dying, anyone not wanting to be her friend after she takes their toys away, or how sad she makes me feel when she has an attitude--and cue the waterworks. it's the same floodgates that opened during the stampede scene in the lion king. try explaining that to a two year old.
anyways... i was a mean mama. i lost my temper. lost my cool. and forced my kids to take pictures after lunch and before nap. a really good idea on my part. especially considering none of us slept the night before. we were all in SUCH good moods (insert sarcastic face here). when they finally did go down for their nap (which, let's all give an "amen!" for the fact that they both take an afternoon nap together in the same room...and both fall asleep on their own. seriously) i looked through the pictures and felt the drop in my stomach when i hit the last photo and realized i didn't get one good shot. i got myself all worked up and mean for nothing. only one kid was looking at the camera. the whole picture is blurry. one kid is blurry and the other isn't. someone blinked...etc, etc, etc...
but then i looked at them again and realized that i HAD actually gotten all the money shots i desired. both kids we laughing each time the shutter opened and closed. both kids got a kick out of each other. i got great shots of both of them interacting. the emotion and movement is captured. and isn't that all i really want? to capture my two souls- alive and well and not caring that mama is pulling out her hair in frustration that they are not sitting still. their emotion, their movement, their age, their relationship, their faces looking at me and looking at each other. they're captured. i did it. it's just blurry.
and if i make it black and white. really look past the blur. and realize that 99% of my photos look like these... i'm no longer a mean mama... i'm looking at my blurry active two year old and blurry grinning seven month old. and i'm a happy mama once again.
but i'm still tired.
but really- black and white can change a bad photo any day. and i still do love getting a clear shot.