Tuesday, March 4, 2014


my mother was pregnant for 27 months of my life. that's 2.25 years of my life with a pregnant mom. when i think back to the pregnancies of my two sisters and brother i only have one memory. isn't that weird? a pretty big event happened for a whole 27 months of my life, and my mom's, and i only have one 3 minute memory of it ever even happening. i remember going to the hospital or the events leading up to the hospital for every one of my siblings, so that's something. but only one memory of my mother actually being pregnant. i find it so weird. actually i don't, really. rorie says "hi" to her brother all the time as she high-fives my growing belly. or she gives him hugs and kisses. she really has no frame of reference for what's going on inside of me, but she plays along so well. i'm really not sure if she even notices my belly growing. because she climbs on me like it's not even there- while i can't even roll over in bed or get off the couch without a fight.

the only memory of my mother being pregnant is of her laying on that couch. my sister and i were coming home from school. our front door was usually open, but on that day it was shockingly locked. we banged on the door and yelled for my mom. i'm sure it only took her a minute or two to open the door, but to me it felt like forever. she finally let us in. she was laying on that couch. in another memory- connected to that one- we were talking to my dad on the phone. he was off in some foreign country keeping people safe. he asked us if we wanted to know why mommy was so tired. of course we wanted to know... because she locked us out of our own house for crying out loud! he told us it was because she was growing a baby in her tummy. i remember feeling a little confused and then a little ashamed for being so loud and obnoxious at the front door. and however many months later... my little brother was born.

but she was on that couch. the same couch i lay on. the same couch i curl up on when i'm so tired, but rorie wants to keep playing. the same couch my parents cuddled their first, i cuddled mine. my only memory of my mother being pregnant is of her laying on this couch. 27 months of my life and that's all i have. this couch. yes, that couch is old. it's actually older than me. it's the first couch my parents bought together for their first apartment. and now it's in my first apartment with my husband. and i'm sure my mother laid on that couch when she was pregnant with me. i don't think we'll be taking the couch with us to NH. it's a sad thought that i will be leaving it. but i'm really glad to have had it in my life. and for all the connections it gives me to my mother.

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