A SECRET SANTA QUILT.

merry christmas! i'm your secret santa!

i hope you like your quilt! i am not really great at sewing. i don't cut fabric in straight lines and i don't sew straight either. i've named your quilt a "hodge podge" quilt. i don't know if you saw online or not, but i've started an etsy shop. i wanted to keep myself busy with crafting- well, anything really. i've realized that it's something i need to do to stay content. i need to make. so i've made christmas cards and a print.

for december, i decided that i would make this quilt my monthly project. it is the "season of giving", so i'm not listing anything (this quilt) in my shop. now that you know a little bit about the background, i'll let you in on the story of the quilt.

when rorie was just 5 months old in the winter of 2012 i drove to the lincoln square area and picked up two garbage bags full of fabric scraps. i used freecycle and thought i could make something for rorie. well, i didn't. but i held onto the fabric and moved it with us to NH.

some of the fabric i used was from my old kitchen curtains in chicago.

some are scraps from jacobs crib sheets (stars) and my current kitchen curtains (newspaper).

there's a red sweatshirt material from a "camp squanto" sweatshirt whose original owner was my dad (it was falling apart).

other fabric is leftover from the pillowcases i sewed while pregnant with jake. i was nesting (little red flowers & green).

and lastly, there's fabric from the scraps of a dress my mom sewed for rorie when we were waiting for jacob to make his arrival.

the back of the quilt is an old fleece blanket i impulse bought at old navy when i was in high school in VA. both of my kids have spit-up on it (don't worry, i washed it!).

so there you have it...the story behind this epic "hodge podge" quilt that i made specifically for you,

my "secret santa 2014: out-of-towners-edition" (town=chicago-birth place of the burgh babes)

so merry christmas, again!

i love + miss you!

chelsea

p.s. i had my friend britta... if you were wondering who this was sent to.

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

one of my oldest and dearest friends is briana. we met in 5th grade in chiang mai, thailand. we've been friends ever since. we've been through highs and lows. we've been through countless moves and now we are both wives and mothers. her friendship means the world to me. we are very, very different people when it comes to certain personality aspects. and in someways, we are exactly the same. i love that about our friendship. i always feel like no time has passed when we are together and miss her terribly when she's away.

briana is a great writer. she started a blog a while back and has recently asked for submissions for her series on marriage called "for better or for worse". i decided one night that something needed to flow out of me... and a submission was placed for a part in her series. i hope you like it. and i hope you check out her fantastic blog.

_________________________________________________________________________________

i really liked who we were when we first really met. we were counselors at a christian summer camp in new hampshire. it was the camp that i had grown up going to as a child all the way through high school. i had never desired to be a counselor when i was little. but somehow i worked up the courage my second semester of freshman year to send in my application and do that dreaded phone interview.

i met him my third summer working at camp. i was determined that this year i would focus on my campers and not get involved with anything having to do with romantic fuzzy feelings of the heart. that summer i did focus on my campers and had the best summer of my life with each of my cabins. i still keep in contact with many of them. those same campers are now graduating college this year.

but what i didn't expect was to fall madly in love.

read the rest here!

ADJUSTING.

i've been going through the worst emotional roller coaster lately, but more on that later. i don't really want to even think back to the happenings of last week. i will in time... but for now... i'm moving on.

today i'm thinking about our sweet boy. we went to our new midwife last week and they think he is transverse or sideways in my belly. at this point... we want him to be head down. so think plummeting thoughts for him.

i've been looking at a lot of freezer recipes. i'm trying to find things that are dairy-free for the most part or paleo... since that's my preferred way of eating anyways. i've been doing really bad not eating dairy during this pregnancy. and i've been paying the price... but cheese and ice cream- it's just so good. i stumbled across this article about why cheese is so addicting. makes sense... dang cheese. anyways, i have had some very good luck with slow cooker recipes, muffin recipes, and a bunch of other goodies. i'm going to get started on a few to freeze later this week.

i've been doing a lot of unpacking and trying to get the house in order. rorie and jacob will eventually share a room and it's finally coming together as it is in my head. which is nice... since that hasn't been the case for the whole move here.

rorie and i are adjusting to life here as well. we really miss our friends back in chicago. she talks about sadie and eden often. which hurts my heart. thank goodness for letters, skype, and texting. my aunt, carin, and cousin, maggie, came over this weekend and rorie just soaked up the play time with maggie. i think we are in need of a playgroup... it's on my large to-do list.



now i'm going to rest... and eat a donut. did i tell you my neighbor is a donut shop? it's heavenly.

PACKING TIPS.

1) start early. a few boxes each day starting a month or two before leaving helped me to not feel too overwhelmed. plus, packing and organizing is my thing. i don't consider it a chore. i mean, i even love to unpack the grocery bags and fold laundry (no, really...ask my mom)...so packing is sort of my "happy" place.

2) never buy boxes. we got our boxes from a grocery store. they have too many anyways and are happy to give them away for free. and a lot of them are really, really sturdy... it's great!

3) enlist the help of friends. we've got a good group of solid friends on both ends. i'm really thankful for that.

4) starbucks. i'm just saying... i've been giving them a lot of business because i'm 30 weeks pregnant and i'll miss my local java.

5) you can do it. a simple saying to keep me going. as well as talking to people about my feelings, fears, & worries. i'm a firm believer in community and know how healing it can be to spill your guts. i'm thankful for family & friends who care so much.

today we pack up. we prepare last minute details for our trip tomorrow out of our sleeping city we have called home for the past 8 years...

MOVING, RUBY, & THE BURGH BABES.

this whole moving experience is really making me feel all sorts of crazy. i'm up. i'm down. i'm healthy. i'm stuffing my face with pizza. it's really ugly guys.

my biggest concern is that this is my first time doing this alone. as in, without my family. i've moved about 6 times in my life and then 5 times in/after college. that's 11 times that i've packed up my stuff and moved. the only difference this time... is that it's just me and aaron packing up our stuff. not me and the other 5 people in my family. not me and 15 of my burgh babes. just us.

and things keep happening that are out of my control- per usual, but right now they are really hitting me hard. troubles with getting our rental application approved, utility troubles, new house owner issues, our wii is broken, my internet keeps going out, aaron sprained his ankle, my toddler is running out of things to do because i keep packing her toys, my maternity pants don't fit, liquid laundry detergent spilled in the trunk of my car... i mean, a lot of these things are just ridiculous.

.....

but yesterday was wonderful. i got to meet sweet ruby for the first time. she's the daughter of my friend, christine. the only one in our group to have a baby as of now. my large group of college girlfriends is called the burgh babes- after our IM basketball team- now we're working on our second team... the burgh babies. so far we have two with a third in the works.

we all gathered together in a wrigleyville apartment to have dinner together and pass around the sweet one month old. it was really great to get together again with my chicago family. and it's fun to see how our group is growing and changing with significant others, spouses, and babies. we've shared a lot of fun memories together and it really does keep getting better. i like that we are all in different places in life, too. it really makes me appreciate our differing experiences and perspectives. it's a beautiful thing i think.

PERFECT LITTLE MOMENTS.

i have a lot of friends who lead very different lives than i do. at least at this moment in our twenty-something lives. my friends have 9-5 jobs. they have friday night plans. and saturday night plans. they attend broadway shows and improv comedy. they sleep in on the weekends and rest when their work is done. they are constantly seeing friends and meeting up with people. they travel all over the country and the world. they live fantastic lives and sometimes i'm jealous of their freedom.

but most of the time i live in moments like the picture above. so picture perfect in my eyes. extremely simple. like cereal in the afternoon. not even a broadway show and drinks at a classy bar wearing fancy wedge heels could tear me away from these moments. this is my life. they are my freedom. i wouldn't want to miss this.

the cereal that spills from her tiny orange bowl. the way she can't sit still on that wooden chair to save her life. the way he keeps readjusting himself on the smallness of that chair. the way they take their bites so in-sync. the way they look at each other between bites and smile and laugh at each other... because they're sitting eating cereal together in the afternoon. it's perfect bliss.

i hope my friends all find perfect little moments in their own lives- sans babies or husbands or both. because those moments are there. they are in those friday night plans and sleeping in on the weekends. just as they are in my waking up early and reading the same book over and over and over again. perfect little moments. you'll miss them if you aren't paying attention. they're like the soft whispering presence of god- always there. are you looking? it's perfect.

OUR THANKSGIVING IN PICTURES.

SEASON OF THOUGHTFUL GIVING.

i think i have always liked giving presents. i even made presents for santa. one time in an old pizza box (i wonder why that thing isn't still around?). i just absolutely love it. giving gifts brings me a lot of joy. and i really like giving a gift that gives back. here are a two places i like to support during christmas time or really any time of the year:

 Serengetee
my little brother, sam, introduced me to this company by simply wearing a cool pocket tee. he seriously looked like such a stud. it's such a simple, yet brilliant idea. plain colored t-shirts with a pocket. what makes these shirts so awesome is that the pockets are made of fabric collected from all over the world- including the united states.

three college guys started serengetee out of their dorm room after spending a travel semester at sea. they collected fabric from 15 different countries and started making shirts. their mission: to connect people to the globe through fabric while giving back to the communities that inspire their product. their motto: "wear the world. change the world"

there's really nothing better or simpler than that. and that's why i love this company. their products are stylish and simple and they help people. sold! another cool thing... my brother is a campus representative for the company at north park university- which is a very cool honor. even cooler for you: you can support both my brother and the communities the fabrics come from by using this code: sredding

Partners Relief & Development
i have one tasty memory of steve and oddney gumaer from when i lived in thailand. i remember going to their house one afternoon with my family and oddney served the best potato salad. seriously- best potato salad of my life. hands down. among other things, of course, but the potato salad is what really tickled my taste buds.

partners is an organization (started by the gumaers) that is working towards full, free lives for the people of burma. there are a lot of things going on in that country that are very disheartening and wrong. the men, women, and children need our help. help includes basic life necessities and skills.

my sister, mikayla, is currently in chiang mai, thailand working with partners. i really couldn't be more proud of her. she has seen the amazing work that partners is doing for the families in burma first hand. and i think that's important. a lot of us will not be able to experience the suffering of other people in the world, but that doesn't mean we can't do something about it. and partners is truly doing something about it.

so, if you're feeling like you'd rather buy a gift that will directly help a small child, a mother of six, or a man with a heart of gold succeed in life. give a gift to partners. who will then continue to strive for free, full lives for the people of burma.

you can find more information about gift giving to partners, here & here.

you can also make a free amazonsmile account if you plan on shopping on amazon this christmas. select partners relief & development and 0.5% of your eligible purchases will go to partners. it's like magic. every little bit counts!

TRIP TO WI & BACK.

we went on another road trip to WI this past weekend. and to think, the time that we decide to randomly go i was more prepared for a road trip than this time. it feels like i'm constantly dropping the ball. but we made it. one too many stops for fast food. but we made it. we had a really fun time, but i'm still tired. that's what happens when you keep going without stopping... you get yourself all tired. we made it home in one piece, but i'm still trying to get us back on our feet here in the city. we now have groceries- yay! i finished the dishes- yay! but we managed to make two baskets full of laundry since getting home on monday night- say whaa??? i know.

a couple of aaron's childhood friends and their kids came over for our visit. it was really sweet to see how far these boys have come. wives! babies! here's a few photos from our trip:

rorie girl is working on getting her molars still. one has made an appearance, so we've got three to go. the night time wakings are lessening, so i'm hoping there's an end in sight. not just for me (i so miss sleep), but i feel so bad for her. she's still an energetic busy body all throughout the day, so it can't be bugging her too much, right?

aaron and i also just shared our two year wedding anniversary on the 9th. it has been a full two years and i am seriously thankful for that man i call mine. our friends have offered to watch little miss for us this friday, so we are excitedly planning a real date night!

FINE MOTOR SKILLS.

we spent the weekend in wisconsin at aaron's childhood home. we spruced up the walls with some classy gray paint and looked through lots of old pictures. it was a very fun and therapeutic weekend. we also got to see my grandparents at their new apartment. and we got to meet up with two of aaron's friends from growing up and their babies. it was a great trip!

we collected a lot of cash on our road trip, so tonight rorie helped me put it in our big jar. we sat on the rug and put coins in the jar for over ten minutes. that is a big deal for a toddler! it was so fun to watch her struggle to let go of each coin and finally get it to go in. she was so proud of herself each time she did it and instantly asked me for "mouurr". it was absolutely darling. and she got really good at the end. i also am pretty confident that my daughter is a lefty and has been from the start. glad to be back in chicago and ready for the fall!

HER FIRST SLEEPOVER.

this weekend sadie's mama & daddy tied the knot. it was a beautiful ceremony right on the lake at the art center in evanston. the food was the bomb, the music was up to rorie's standards, and everyone had a wonderful time. when the night was over (eh...8:30ish ha!) aaron and i packed up the these two ladies into our subaru and proceeded to embark on their first ever sleepover. it was such a fun night and morning with them. in the pictures they are watching sesame street and eating cheerios. two of their most favorite things! they are starting to become very aware of each other in such a cute way. they smile and laugh and show each other toys. it's a beautiful little friendship they have going on. i'm so glad we could be "a part" of the wedding in this way.

MONTROSE BEACH.

on saturday this past weekend we were lucky enough to spend a few hours at the beach with some of my main ladies. it was lindsey's 25th, so it was extra special to be able to meet up and wish her a happy birthday in person. rorie loved the beach and loved playing her 'aunties'. a lot of sand was digested... which probably means it was a good day for little miss. we also got to catch a few glimpses of the air and water show happening one beach over from us. it was the first time i've ever "seen" it! hope everyone is soaking up the summer!

p.s.  i'm going to miss my mom a lot when she leave (this saturday, boo.)

CJN FLOWERS & PRIMITIVES

the woman behind our wedding flowers is carrie of CJN Flowers & Primitives. she was a joy to meet on the morning of my wedding day and we have continued to keep in touch through facebook. she is a mama of two handsome boys and somehow finds the time to make cutie hair accessories and other handmade goods.

i suggest you head over to her etsy shop and look around: countrycraft101

rorie actually won an owl hairclip in one of her weekly giveaways!

i love these hairties.

you can find her on facebook, too!

sign up for the CJN email list while you're at it. so far, i have loved the emails she sends out. they are full of fun information and ideas. and of course, new items!

also, if you're in the new england area and need a florist for your wedding... carrie's the one to call. we loved our flowers.

and we love her handmade pretties.

TODAY.

today has been wonderfully productive and soulfully restful. we started off the day as a family. just the 3 of us. bright and early, right before seven, just the way little miss likes it. i was able to take a quick shower while husband and baby played-dancing and playing to opera and oldies in the kitchen. drank too much tea and headed off to a play date with two wonderful mamas and they're adorable babes. it was so refreshing to be with other mamas and talk about birth and babies and everything that comes with them. it was also great to watch the babies together. it has been so much fun to watch them grow. little miss napped wonderfully (for her) and i was able to eat lunch and indulge in more tea and some netflix. we are hanging out now anticipating the arrival of my mom, little brother, and littlest sister from beijing. they'll be here for the duration of the chinese new year (one week) and my mom one more week extra! my little sister will join us on valentines day for the weekend. lots to look forward to! for now, we are playing on the floor with dragons and spoons... ah... the life.

ALI-WHAT-TUM???

it's been a long hard road with rorie. one of the hardest thing for me, being her mother, has been feeding her. it was so easy at first. she was the most wonderful baby. minutes after being born we tried breastfeeding and every nurse was surprised at how naturally she nursed. it wasn't stressful or painful and she was always happy. that didn't last for long. at home, the pain of the beginning of breastfeeding set in and the lack of sleep made my attitude toward nursing very negative. i remember yelling at aaron after he told me i could take a break. all i saw was an entire year ahead of me of non-stop nursing- there was no break. and at that time it seemed like a jail sentence. oh silly me. to be able to go back to that time and savor it more. the time when i could comfort my child with nothing but myself. now we search for "paci" and rush to make bottles.

rorie didn't continue to be good at nursing and it was so confusing to me. what was i doing wrong?! her latch became on and off and she started to take in a lot of air (something that we continue to deal with now). all this air had to get out somehow- so her burps were painful and the air that continued down in her tummy caused her to have horrible stomach pains until she was able to release them as gas hours later. she began to spit up like it was her job. sometimes it was projectile, sometimes it just came out dripping. either way- it was too much and it was painful for her and for me. i felt like breastfeeding her was pointless because she wasn't getting anything. and she wasn't. she got to the point where she wasn't gaining any weight and she was officially called "failure to thrive". exactly what you want to hear as a first time mother. i tested her once. i burped her over a bowl after giving her 4oz of breast milk. 3 oz came right back up. that's bad news bears. to top it off, she also had acid reflux. awesome. not only is she spitting up too much, but it's burning her throat as it comes up.

well, that brought us to a GI doctor who had us put her on elecare. A $50 a can formula for babies with severe cow's milk protein allergies. awesome. now we have a sick baby and the only way to feed her is to drain our bank account. the formula is special because the milk protein is partially digested so it's almost impossible to be allergic to it. it took a while for it to work, but it finally did.

this is when i stopped breastfeeding. i did this cold turkey. the pain emotionally and physically that came with it is comparable to the pain of giving birth to her. i didn't plan to do it this way. no. and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. it was not how i wanted our breastfeeding to go. my poor skin and bones baby developed a cold. a runny nose and severe congestion paired with spitting up constantly meant that i could not put her down at all. she ate and slept in my arm. i held her constantly for 15 days straight. she had to be held upright in order to be fed and in order to breathe. horrible timing. for this is when i was supposed to be pumping in the hopes that i would be able to get all the cow's milk protein out of my system in order to nurse her. the pain set in and i knew needed to pump to my body would know to keep producing milk, but i could not and would not put her down to suffer anymore. so i held my baby tight and watch the dream of breastfeeding until at least 1 go out the window. i was also on a diet of potatoes and pears- eliminating anything else she could possibly be allergic to. i was a zombie. i'm not sure if zombies are what they show in movies. i don't think there's any blood or gore or any of that cinematic hoopla. i think zombies are just mommies with sick babies.

in the end, rorie is on a less expensive formula, alimentum, and completely bottle fed. i bought her some cute bottles from life factory which make me feel better about having to stop breastfeeding. its a burden on our family financially because we did not see this coming or plan on formula feeding at all and alimentum is still much more expensive than regular milk-based formula.

but i have some wonderful friends. the picture above is my stocked cupboard of alimentum- all from them (and this isn't even all of it!).  i also recieved two cans in the mail from a complete internet stranger who said she was blessed to have a baby who didn't have to have this kind of formula. i am truly blessed. thank you to everyone who has helped us with rorie. thank you. thank you.

i still struggle emotionally with the fact that i am unable to breastfeed rorie. my heart hurts when i see another mother feeding their child. i now have to lug around a thermos of warm water, bottles, and formula. but my baby is healthy- i have to remind myself of that. it hurts me when other mothers stress how important breastfeeding is and that it is "the best". i know that it is, but i know for a fact that it was not "the best" for us and that this is how it was meant to be for rorie. i only wish that mothers who breastfeed would understand the heartache, stress, and pain that some mothers have to go through who are formula feeding their babies. understand that there are even more factors to my story that made it impossible to continue to breastfeed. understand that i didn't want it this way. but i've got to focus on the good stuff. because my baby's pretty spunky. and she's adorably stylish. and her blue eyes will knock you out. and i've got the best friends in the world! they buy me formula (: