8 MONTHS.

what to say about jacob at 8 months old. he's grown up since that two month picture. he's such a ray of sunshine in our lives. his smile is really something. so what's he been up to?

well... he's almost walking. right now, he's confidently standing alone, not holding on to anything for minutes at a time. he loves to walk holding only holding onto one hand. and he is consistently taking 2-3 steps at a time by himself. you can tell that all the attention we give him about it is only stoking his fire. rorie loves to grab his hands and help him walk. she really wants him to run it seems. because sometimes he's just being dragged around while they both giggle uncontrollably.

i believe that jacob will be a fish in the water. this kid has absolutely no fear when it comes to water. from the get-go for both kids i have dumped water over their heads without shielding their eyes during baths... so that they got used to it and don't throw fits about a little water. rorie will now spend all her time with her head under a shower if you let her. jacob willingly puts his face under the water and blows bubbles as well as jumps up from sister submersion whole face smiling. i'm excited to take him to lake swanzey this summer.

at 8 months jake is eating anything you put in front of him. sometimes i only give him half of his meal and then i put him under the table to pick up everything he dropped. it's mostly all on his chair so it's not totally disgusting. he ate a cat hairball as well as some cat food this past month...so "disgusting" things don't really matter anymore.

right now, we are as-patiently-as-we-can waiting for the arrival of both bati and grandma d this month! and valentine's day! and my birthday! february is looking pretty good from the mcdowell perspective.





p.s. cago is a little sick... everyone who loves cats... send him get well thoughs :) and if you don't love cats... i don't even know what to say... go hug a dog.

SEVEN MONTHS.

2 months

3 months 

4 months 

5 months 

7 months

i basically recapped his sixth month in my last post. and i kicked myself for not taking a photo before we left for my grandma's house... but really it's no big deal. his sixth month of life was more than documented. but this seventh month picture... oh baby... i'm just so happy for that smile of his. here he is in all his sick glory. you might not know it just by looking, but this kid is snotty and drooly (no, not stuck-up... the other "snotty"- yooou.) sleeping is harder than ever when you can't breathe and i hold nothing against him (even though i'm a snail of a mother this past week). we are welcoming in this seventh month and wondering what he'll accomplish next.

NOVEMBER RECAP IN PHOTOS & TEXT.

i'm going to let you in on what went down this month. first... i got another great photo of my two babies. these are tough to achieve, but boy am i ever thankful when i get a winning shot! plus- i've never seen such an enthusiastic little boy! kid loves picture taking.

this little dude turned 5 months. i can't even believe how much he's accomplished in one month... since he'll be 6 months in three days. during this photo shoot, with one fell swoop of his hand, he managed to swipe all the letters off the couch. these are getting more and more difficult as he gets bigger.

we've had our last nice warm snow-free days here in NH. we went all lots of walks to the library and around the neighborhood. we have a killer hill next to our house and i try to power up that beast at least once a day. we've also been doing squat challenges the past two months. as well as babysitting two one year olds and a three year old. 

the drool is spot-on. a straight shot to the quilt below. this will probably gross a lot of people out, but i made his mohawk with his drool. yep, i sure did. and look how happy he is!

this month rorie and i made cookies! isn't baking with your kids the most amazing thing ever? i mean... who cares about the possibility of salmonella when there's sweet, creamy, dough to lick off of a batter creating an ultimately way-more fantastic childhood than before that first sugary lick!

we had our first snow!!! it may have been a light wet early morning dusting that melted by 10am, but we got rorie all bundled up and threw snowballs right at that cute little target we call our daughter.

this kid watches. he watches his sister and i think it's safe to say he adores her. in this photo his grin is just enormous because his sister is sitting on that chair being a goof. his smile is already dreamy, but when he's smiling at her- i'm a puddle.

 

for thanksgiving this year we went to touisset. i think i can count on one hand the number of thanksgivings i've had with extended family, so this was a treat for me. we stayed a few days before thanksgiving too and are headed back there for most of december. when we are in RI, breakfast with grandma is a must.

this boy went from being up on all fours to crawling to pulling himself up to standing- all in one week. since he was born he showed this innate motivation to figure out how to move his body. he works so hard "training" his muscles and figuring out how to balance. it's really cool to watch. and he's so proud of himself. with all the progress he's made he's also had a few rough spills, but he seems to bounce back quickly.

in case there was any doubt if these were his children... here's aaron and his two carbon copies.

p.s. disney junior at grandma's is the bomb!

of all the photos i've taken of these two rascals there's always one or two reeeeally funny ones. #1 rorie's face is so weird! #2 jacob looks like i'm taking the photo with a chicken hat on. he's so shocked he has to hold onto his sister and the pillow for dear life.

officially getting into everything now.

mr. ladies man with all my little cousins! they all loved holding him. he's such a flirt.

you'd think rorie was 6 when you see how she keeps up with this crew. they had a blast playing outside with the pool noodles. they have all made movies on the ipad together starting on rorie's 1st birthday. the one they filmed this visit was called "the thanksgiving games". a spoof on the hunger games. 

i am extremely lucky to have such strong women as role models and aunties in my life. i have silently learned a lot about being a mother, friend, sister, daughter, and wife from them. 

"the thanksgiving games" featured this little turkey. and she was nothing but pumped about it.

 

back in NH we had gotten some snow, so of course roro had to play in it. this is obviously "olaf". today his head fell off. how do you explain that to a sensitive two year old?!

this kid. drooling. needy. but smiley. pretty sure he's getting some teeth. he's been very lethargic. slight rise in his core temperature. and sleeping WAY more than normal...which i wish was just normal... maybe these teeth will make their appearance just in time for christmas. "all i want for christmas is my two bottom teeth"...sing it jakey. christmas is a go. we decorated with one single strand of twinkle lights. i can't bring myself to do anything else because we will be in RI... so the santa pants and burgh babes made drooly bandanna will have to do.

and that's a look at our november. so excited for the christmas season!

JACOB: 5 MONTHS IN PHOTOS.

2 months 

3 months 

4 months 

jacob kian is now 5 months old. soon to be 6 months old in a couple weeks. he looks super chubby in the 4th month picture. it's so weird. and i finally got some good lighting for his 5th month. living and learning, i tell ya.

back to jacob. he's a handful. he loves to be held, especially by me. aaron tells him, "you're a mama's boy. and that's ok" it's really sweet. and it's nice to be wanted. 

he's almost crawling, but he can scoot himself anywhere. he often gets into whatever his heart desires: books, toys, rorie's hair, the cats. he also gets up on all fours in his bed, so we had to take down the infant insert in his pack-n-play. he was looking over the edge and trying to grab the side. once i saw that happen i didn't want to know what would happen next. so off with the infant insert!

spit-up is at an all time high. with all the moving he does his tummy can't digest fast enough, so up it comes. we recently gave him some oatmeal and i've been trying it in his bottles too. in the hopes that his food stays in his belly where it belongs. i think it's helped. he goes through about 6 or 7 outfits on a good day. i go through 3-4 shirts and hopefully i get to keep the same pants on... but you never know. the day rorie got splattered with spit-up like bird poop falling from the sky was epic. she did not think so. 

little dude is in 6-12m clothes and it's so nice to have a healthy kid. he doesn't sleep much, day or night, but he's the happiest kid ever. loves to laugh and talk. loves to give kisses. and loves to watch his sister.

rorie is having more fun with jake now. she loves to help change his diaper. she's my trash girl when we use disposables. she also is great at getting him a paci. not so great at gently putting it into his mouth. they both love to read and look at books, so we do a lot of family reading. she is not into him taking the toys that she's playing with. sharing is a very hard concept to teach. it seems to be SO unnatural. we're working on it. 

aaron and i have been busy organizing the house, planning the upcoming months for holiday travel, getting shop orders out, working on my december craft (which i'll explain in a few), and cookin up good food. i might share a dinner recipe soon. we'll see :)

WHAT UP SPIT-UP.

i actually wrote this a while back, but it still rings true. and i still loathe spit-up.
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if this blog is the only thing that gets me through the stage of infancy - so be it.

yesterday i washed and folded four loads of laundry, three quilts, stripped and washed three beds, washed and hung a load of 14 cloth diapers, and changed my shirt six times. and that...is a normal day.

i almost don't want to be friends with people who have babies that don't spit up. i almost don't want to think that those type of babies even exist. it's almost more than i can handle to think that there are mothers and fathers and babies who aren't drenched in white acidic liquid 24/7. i don't even want to think about babies who can fall asleep after eating. that will just make me cry. because if i did that my babies wake up screaming in a pool of their own spit-up. it's all over their face, up their nose, in their hair and ears.

the people who have babies who don't spit up must be the ones who go around saying that babies don't need to be bathed but once a week. not my babies. if i could figure out the logistics, i'd bathe them twice a day. it's THAT bad.

i love blogs that talk about the only kind of baby i can imagine (here & here are a couple). the spit-up soaked smiling reflux babies. that's my crew.

and that's the end of my rant. i've cried a lot today. BUT...

1) i successfully took my two babies to church today. alone. i got them both in the car (jacob spitting up in his car seat before i even have the straps clicked together-we had to purchase new straps after rorie did a number on the first pair). i planned to drive around and give jacob a good nap before we rolled into church. which worked. we road around looking at the turning leaves. i stopped to get gas ($0.20 off!) and rorie cried about having to go to the nursery without me. because we have tried going to church four times before this and she made it all of ten minutes before she was overcome with tears. the ugly crying.

so i chanced it. i took both of them to church alone. rorie stayed the whole time in the nursery. i'm going to say it again. rorie stayed the whole time in the nursery. i couldn't believe it. i still can't.

and jacob ate and napped again in the ergo. and i heard a sermon. praise the lord. and i'm still unable to fathom how that happened...

2) my afternoon and night of crying were made good after running into rorie's room before she fell asleep and apologizing for the crying and yelling and overall ugliness that was her mother that day. and there were lots of i love yous breathed into words. (and then i'm in her room telling her to stay in her bed...right as i'm typing this. of course. i still apologized and that's what matters).

3) these two...

A DAY IN THE LIFE.

one of my favorite kinds of blog posts to read are essentially "a day in the life". i really gravitate towards ones written by mamas of little ones- and the reasoning for that is probably pretty obvious- i'm a mama and i love to see how you do it.

my second favorite are the ones about people who create at home and run successful home businesses (see here & here). and the reasoning for this- i'm pretty sure this is something i want to take on in my life. there hasn't been a lot of creating in my life the past two years. i think the last thing i went creatively full-force ahead on (other than my stint in art school) was my wedding. and that was three years and a handful of days ago. i'm confident that more creating will creep into my life in the coming months. it's on my to-do list... so, ya know. it's going to get done.

one of my friends said the israelites made lists to commemorate (see nehemiah 7). in modern days we take pictures to commemorate- hello instagram! i think mothers who write "a day in the life of" posts do it for the exact same reason. to commemorate that this is their life. this short season of mothering tiny humans happened and is happening. and we are all surviving this. and this is how we do it.

so, to commemorate the last few days and weeks, i'm writing my own. a day in the life of a mama, a two year old, a four month old, two cats, and a night-shift RN husband. this is..."a day in the life"

8:00 am: aaron gets home from working the night shift. it's usually a hurricane when he steps into the door. the second i hear the car in the driveway i divert rorie's attention from whatever we are doing had have her go straight to the door because "daddy's home!" a phrase that i might secretly be more excited about that she is.

8:45 am: aaron has been playing with us and helping me out with whatever, but now he has to sleep because he works tonight as well. so we say "goodnight" to daddy.

8:50 am: jacob gets tired, so i change his spit-up soaked outfit and get him a new diaper. i ask rorie to read books, play in the playroom, or watch a show while i put him down for a nap. she's usually happy to do this, but it did take some time. she woke him up a lot at the beginning. putting jake down for a nap is always a struggle. there are always burps that need to come out. which extends the process even longer. i get very frustrated because it seems like there should be an end to the burps...but there isn't

9:25 am: jacob screams and i pick him up and he burps. if not for the burps...i imagine he'd sleep very well. rorie and i usually read books, play in the playroom, or do the dishes together during this quick nap.

9:30 am: jacob gets a bottle and we all watch pbs while rorie eats a snack. i've found that it's much less stressful if rorie is eating & watching during the bottle & burping process.

10:00 am: on thursdays i try to get us to the library for story time. if it's not thursday we head outside for a walk. if it's not nice out we play in the playroom. there's always lots of spit-up and most recently rorie has been very much acting her age. so...for the moment... she's not usually super fun to be around. i'll throw a load of laundry in. no one is excited about the laundry these days.

10:30 am jacob goes down for another short nap. i try to eliminate this one and it just throws off his whole schedule.

10:50 am: sweet boy... ugh. you drive me crazy. because your nap was 20 minutes again...

11:00 am: it's finally lunch time.

11:15 am: after lunch and potty rorie goes down for her nap. i rub lavender oil on her feet in the hopes that she drifts off for a while & quickly (usually not).

11:30 am: jacob gets another bottle. this dude refuses to go even three hours between bottles. it's pretty tiring because he doesn't nap either.

12:00 pm: i've been burping jacob and keeping him upright for half an hour now. the second i put him down he's squirmy. i pick him up and he pukes all over my shirt. jakey and i play on the floor for a bit because i'm so tired.

12:30 pm: i hold jacob in our rocking comfy chair. he is obviously tired, his eyes are rolling into his head, but he's squirmy and won't settle down. i get three more burps out of him before he passes out from exhaustion.

1:15 pm: i rock jacob through one sleep cycle. 45 minutes on the dot. and he starts squirming. sometimes i can get him to burp and go back to sleep. today i'm not so lucky. he wakes up uncomfortable and spits-up a bit. but then happily grins because he's awake and i'm awake too.

1:20 pm: rorie also wakes up at this time. a pretty good nap for her standards. she opens her door, sweaty hair matted to her face, as sleepy eyes lock on mine. "hi mama, how are you doing?" i tell her "i'm good." she asks, "did you sleep well?" and i tell her very matter-of-factly, "rorie i did not sleep because jacob does not sleep and now you're awake." she doesn't care. she wants a snack and she wants to play.

1:30 pm: jacob has another bottle.

2:30 pm: i put jacob down for a nap while rorie plays. she also asks for another snack because she's a bottomless pit.

3:00 pm: aaron finally wakes up and saves me! but really... that's how i feel most days. i need him. he will make coffee with rorie and spend time with the two kids while i run around like a crazy person doing all the suff i didn't get done- laundry, dishes, shopping, shower...etc. most days it's just one thing out of that list. some day's it's everything. jacob wakes up and i hand him off to aaron.

4:00 pm: i try to make sure jacob eats at this time so he will not be too hungry for his bedtime bottle. then we start prepping for dinner.

5:00 pm: we eat dinner around this time, but sometimes a little bit before because we need to get everyone showered and ready for bed before aaron leaves for work.

6:15 pm: aaron leaves for work after giving three kisses and reluctantly reading three books when he said he'd only read one.

6:30 pm: i get jacob ready for bed and feed him a bottle. rorie gets another show because he's so distracted at four months i have to feed him in my bedroom, which is also where his pack-n-play is. this is usually the easiest feeding, but he is the hardest to burp because he is so sleepy. half of the time he doesn't burp.

6:50 pm: i start getting rorie to bed. we read books, use the potty, and brush teeth.

6:55 pm: jacob wakes up screaming. i burp him and lay him back down.

7:00 pm: i put her in bed. do the bedtime routine. and i clock out.

7:30 pm: haha... that is a lie. rorie has already gotten up twice to "use the bathroom" and i've had to take the cat out of her room.

8:15 pm: rorie is finally drifting off to sleep when jacob screams. he is laying in a pile of his own spit up. i pick him up and lay a burp cloth on the spot. i bounce and sway and console my poor baby. he finally drifts off to sleep and i lay him on the opposite side of the burp cloth. i use the next 45 minutes to tackle my to-do list or relax.

9:00 pm: my bedtime. sometimes i go to bed earlier than this, but i know i need to get to bed at this time or i'll be tired- whatever that means!

10:30 pm: jacob wakes up an i stealthily make a bottle. i burp him and he goes back down. phew!

10:50 pm: rorie wakes up screaming. she has to pee. the light in the bathroom wakes her up and she tries to have a conversation with me. i really try hard to not wake her up more by talking, but she's adamant. i plop her back in her bed.

11:00 pm: jacob has a burp again... insert sad face here.

2:30 am: jacob eats again. and then poops after. i can't function.

4:30 am: jacob stirs so i bring him in bed with me and keep putting the paci back in for half an hour.

5:00 am: another bottle for jacob. he's the most alert thing after it too. i want to wipe that smug little grin off his face, but it's too darn cute. so we're up for the day. i put him in his swing and make something quick to eat because...

5:30 am: "hi mama. i'm awake". enough said.

5:45 am: pbs and cereal.

6:00 am: jacob is tired. shocker. so he naps.

6:50 am: i make some eggs for me and rorie.

7:15 am: i make tea, but...he's awake and wants to eat.

7:30 am: he finally gets a bottle. my tea is cold.

8:00 am: aaron is back again and the cycle continues.

i feel like it seems more glamorous in real life than when i write it down like that. i guess it's a good thing, right?! i do really enjoy my time with them. it's just hard being so incredibly tired all the time. luckily aaron has been helping me to sleep when he's home. otherwise i might go completely craycray.

this past week my two littles have both gotten the sniffles. which i think adds to the nighttime wakings. but that's ok. i hear they're only little once.

OVERDUE VISIT POST.

spent last night going through my draft posts. couldn't believe i forgot to click "publish" on these. i remember this visit well. grandma d and auntie hannah came to visit. i think jake was two weeks old? was cloudy and rained most of their trip, but it was nice to show them our new home. i also remember this is when thrush reared it's ugly head. i remember i wasn't very good at capturing moments during their visit. stupid thrush. oh well... i got a few. i think we're due for another visit.

sweet boy looks so tiny... and he's SO different now. he has a personality! which really makes all the difference. we are finally getting out of the "haze" of the newborn stage. and boy... it. feels. good.

THE PRICE OF LIQUID GOLD.

i've debated even writing about this...or even continuing to write on this blog. i know it's important to share our experiences. and i love looking back on posts and remembering how i felt and breathing life into our family pictures through text. but it's hard to write about the tough stuff. i think it's so hard because there's a part of you that has to officially deal with what you went through when you write it down. so here's what we've been going through and the tough decisions we've had to make.

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i just want to scream. "why is this so hard?!" i just want to feed him. he's my second baby. the one who was supposed to be my fresh start. when it comes to breast feeding, that is.

and that's when i know it's time to stop. when i start screaming. both in my head and out loud. when i'm crying because i can't believe this is happening again. 

and painfully and wearily, i surrender my god given ability to lactate for the second time.

feeding him was a constant struggle. both on his part and mine. we both hated it. a feeding did not equal a happy baby. it meant painful burps and lots of crying. both him and me. it hurt me physically and mentally. we visited everyone under the sun to try and fix our breast feeding. he just never got it right. he still doesn't suck right on a pacifier or a bottle. so i know that's part of the problem.

when we started giving him a formula marketed as "supplementing while breast feeding" i thought, "i can do this. i can be an exclusive pumper. 

and I could have. that's a reality i could have chosen.

i lived that reality for two weeks. and that's why i'm not doing it.

i watched myself be hooked up to a noisy machine that dripped out liquid gold. as all gold goes, it came at a price. two weeks in and i was not myself. i couldn't create enough liquid gold to satisfy my little one. i was spending no time with my children. even less time with my husband. i wasn't sleeping. night shift and pumping don't really mix. i was all around hating life while "trying" to do the best for my baby.

i watched myself place my two year old in front of the tv for hours on end- daily. i watched myself tell her "no" and "hold on" and "wait" more than i ever have in her short two years of life. i watched myself yell and scream and cry in frustration as my doe eyed two year old stroked my hair and held my face saying, "it's ok mama". i watched myself lay my baby on the floor with toys or in a swing more often than i picked him up.

all for the sake of breast milk... 

because "breast is best". 

at least that's what they say.

we fed him formula... two oz... the amount i was able to pump. he screamed until he had two more. he was happier than he had ever been. and then proceeded to sleep very well. i had been starving yet another one of my children.

he's so much happier now. like a different baby. and he's grown quite a bit! he still spits up. my dad was a spitter. i was a spitter. my children are both spitters. like i've said before, they get my best qualities. 

once, when aaron was feeding him he spit up for the second time that bottle. aaron told him, "dude, you're wasting our money". 

i heard it and instantly said, "i'd rather waste our money than our time."

and that was that. the peace of knowing that this was what we were destined to do. again. use the dreaded formula. 

but you know what? there's a lot of people out there who give there all to create this liquid gold that's become even more precious to me than it's predecessor. it now sustains and sustained both my babies. sure, it's a big business trying to snag all our money. when i see a big business of moms who's sole career is to make milk for the masses...i'll believe the saying, "breast is best" wholeheartedly. until then... we're relying on the dreaded formula and a donation of breast milk from a coworker sent from heaven.

you know what is best? plain and simple feeding your baby. you feed them... and you are doing what is best for them and for you. 

don't break it down more than that. ever. because it only creates fear and disappointment if you tell me what I'm doing is second best. because it's not.

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now here i am... not even a week into our decision. not officially dried up yet, but getting there. i am so happy. the happiest i've been since jacob entered out family. i feed my baby. it's calm and wonderful to do it. he burps beautifully. it's a great bonding experience now. no longer a fight. when i'm not feeding him i'm playing with him. and he's the cutest. his smiles melt me. his laughter makes me want to cry it's so wonderful. and rorie and i can play and spend time together again. i can focus on her. i can't believe i made these wonderful souls.

and let me tell you... that last paragraph... that's worth all the formula in the world.





and yes... gilmore girls is on the tv. we made grilled dark chocolate peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and watched my favorite show. rorie was enthralled. so obviously i'm the happiest mama in the world.