Sunday, June 6, 2010

What's Going to Happen Next?

I've always thought that what I wanted was a schedule, repetition. The knowledge that what is going to happen is the same as it is every day. But now I'm wondering if this is something I thought I wanted, but don't really want. I've been working at daycare now for almost a month, full time. I'm never in the same mind set when it comes to work. Some days I can't wait to get there, other days I dread it. And I've sat at daycare thinking, I know exactly what needs to be done and what comes next in the day... and then I wondered... is this what I want? Of course I feel more comfortable knowing what's going to happen next, but I wondered... isn't there something magical about not knowing? Isn't there something exciting about possibilities, and randomness, and spontaneity? I don't know. Maybe I've gone about my future the wrong way. I've always thought I wanted to live in one place, have a family, have the same job, and never change. I'm sure my mind has wanted this because there's always been change in my life, but maybe that's what makes a good life. Maybe the schedule doesn't make the life, and too much schedule is, as we've been saying in my apartment, uncouth (: Maybe...who knows... just something to think about.

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